how to meet new people you'll actually love by doing the things you love

How I used my passions to find my people (+6 tips on how to meet new people you'll ACTUALLY love)

Stephen King is my hero right now. I’m 5 books into his 7-book saga, The Dark Tower (DON’T watch the movie!), and I’m OBSESSED. It’s a sci-fi, fantasy, spaghetti western, which is a phrase I thought I’d never say. Let alone a genre I’d be into.

So why am I talking to you about Stephen King, when all you wanna know is how to meet new people you’ll actually love? 

Because if you’re reading this and you like Stephen King, you’re gonna send me a message. 

See? I’m using my passions to find my people!

It’s like putting a beacon over your head that says, “Hey! I’m here, and this is what I like! If you like it too, come talk to me!”

And I was the WORST at it for the longest time.

I wanted people to like me, so I kept all my crazy obsessions to myself. When someone asked me what music I liked, I’d name some artist I thought was cool. It was never about what I ACTUALLY liked. 

I just wanted to find ONE person I could be myself with. Someone who got my South Park references and knew all the songs in the Lion King. But every person I met was a hipster wannabe whose favourite movie was Citizen Kane.

The things I liked were like a dirty secret. I would never share them with anyone. But I still dreamed that someday, someone would walk into my life and say, “Hey! I’m here and this is what I like! If you like it too, come talk to me!”

I hope you’re seeing the irony of my situation. Of ALL our situations. We’re all looking for that person who tells the world what they’re about. Who knows the things that make them weird are what the right people WANT. But we’re too afraid to be that person. 

It’s hard to take that first step. To turn your beacon on and start calling out to the right people. Especially when you’re surrounded by the wrong people. 

For me, writing really helped. Even small posts on social media, sharing an article that really spoke to me. Or something I was thinking about. 

It was a way for me to put myself out there without “really” putting myself out there. Without the pressure of people-pleasing, or the risk of looking like an idiot in front of my friends. 

I was always surprised at the people who reached out. There were people all around me who cared about the same things I did. People I knew in passing. People I walked by every day.

I met 2 of my boyfriends because they responded to something I’d written. And both of them were guys I’d “seen around” for months before we actually met.

Here I was thinking the other people like me lived in Narnia. Like I had to go on some magical quest to find them. And they were right here — LITERALLY in front of my eyes. I just needed to turn on my beacon to see them. 

When you find the people you actually like, it makes you see just how MUCH you were settling before. All the frenemies and drama. All the snide comments and times you felt out of place at parties. 

And it makes you want NONE of that. 

The only thing keeping you with the bad friends is that you don’t know to where find the good people. YOUR people. 

Here’s how to meet new people you’ll ACTUALLY love by DOING the things you love

  • Write more. Post about the things on your mind. Have a lot of thoughts on that new Netflix series? Found a new way to deal with burnout? You don’t need to be an expert to share your ideas. You’re just inviting people to start a conversation with you.

  • Read more. If someone posts something on social media that speaks to you, send them a message. Tell em what it made you think of, or if it helped unblock something for you. Remember — just like you, they’re HOPING for the right people to reach out.

  • Learn something new. Wanna learn a new skill? Post about it on social. Find one or two people who’re interested and start learning together. If it’s cooking, pick a recipe book and work through it. Send each other pictures of your dishes or host putlocks every week to try each other’s cooking. 

  • Exercise in public. Do yoga in the park instead of at your house. Join a running club. If you wanna get into rock-climbing or dance, sign up for a class. If you’re not exercising yet, make a post about it and find a gym buddy. 

  • Start a club. Are there things you never wanna shut up about? Maybe it’s how shitty online dating is. Or how fish farming is destroying the planet. Start a club with people who also care about it. I created the CovidLoveChallenge last year for people who’re sick of being single during the pandemic. And met 10 great friends (and 1 boyfriend) through it! 

  • Ask for help. Wanna build a bench on your balcony? Going camping for the first time? Put away the self-help Youtube videos and start posting about your progress. Ask for tips, advice, resources. You’ll be shocked at how much people go out of their way to share their knowledge and help. 

In case you couldn’t tell, these tips are all about SHARING the things you care about with your network. 

To make the most out of them, and to start meeting new people you’ll love ASAP, I want you to do 3 things — 

  • Take this quiz to find your friend-making superpower. The ONE thing, based on your unique personality, that makes everyone you meet fall in love with you. You’ll get a comprehensive guide + personalized tips on how to make the right people see the REAL you. 

  • Read this article on how to meet new people by being yourself. My tips above are all about  putting yourself out there online. This article gives you low-pressure ways to put yourself out there IRL in your daily life.

  • Read this article on how to meet new people by expanding your social circle. This is the master level. For when you’re ready upgrade your friend group and create the self-sustaining system that lets you meet new people you love EVERYWHERE you go. 

If you walk away from here with only one thing, I want it to be this — your people are out there. And they’re WAITING to meet you. 

Just turn on your beacon. 

- Niloo

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